lonered | (no subject)

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the_tailor]

[It's... it's been a while. That's really the only thought Keith can safely consider as the mission begins. The Blade and Voltron collaborate, of course, but they've been running in different parts of the galaxy, trying to maximize what resources they have. So it's been quite a while since he's seen the others, since he's been back to the Castle or even closer than a brief video call across the lightyears.

He's had a lot of time to think, really, a lot of time to himself to ruminate on thoughts that he tries his very best to bat away. Thoughts that are wrapped up in emotions and feelings that Keith doesn't really know how to untangle at all. Not surprising. It's never really been his strong suit. As intense as his emotions can be, as volatile, they tend to get the better of him rather than he of them. It's the same old story.

And maybe that's why, he realizes, he always reacted so strongly to Lance. It was too much, too complicated, to try to unravel the varying feelings the other boy drew out in him -- exasperation and confusion, sure, but something warmer and softer, in those rare and precious moments when they were drowning in their own manufactured tension. After some time apart he's finally realized where that tension comes from, on his side.

Which makes things way too complicated. Because how the hell is he supposed to deal with having feelings for Lance, falling for Lance, when Lance... well. When he's watched Lance literally flirt his way through the universe girl by girl. But here's Keith and his stupid traitor heart feeling this way anyway.

He's torn, therefore, when it's him and Lance sent off in the Red Lion on this particular joint mission. Part of him has missed the other so much it's a relief to see him again. Part of him is so twisted up that he doesn't know which way to go. So he focuses on the mission. He's quieter than usual, even. Focus. Keep to their orders, keep to what needs to be done. It's fine.

Until the whole thing goes south. They spring an old and unexpected trap -- a mine that emitted some sort of pulse that knocked most of Red's systems straight out. The landing hadn't been pretty, but Lance had managed to set it down in a way that didn't kill them at least. The planet, the outpost, is supposed to be abandoned, at least. Less good is how chilly is it, and with Red disabled, well, it's getting chillier and chillier. At least they've got the beacon working. Eventually help will come, but it could be a while. And in the meantime... they're alone.

Together.

Keith has gone for silence, because he doesn't know where to begin.]

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[Keith will ignore that question entirely because he has focused in on something that Lance said.]

If death couldn't stop you?

[Pardon him, Lance? Keith steps back, hands coming to grip at Lance's shoulders, tightly, looking at him with violet eyes that are on the fence of being concerned or outright terrified.]

What do you mean?

I, uh.

[Oh. Maybe he should have skipped over that bit.]

I...might have died for a few minutes?

What? When?

[Today? Had Keith somehow missed that? He's looking Lance over like he's looking for the evidence of whatever could have hurt him that badly but he doesn't see anything. Lance is in one piece.

He lifts his gaze back to the other paladin's.] Are you okay?

Not long ago. That purple chinchilla Sendak was attacking a planet, a radiation shield went haywire, and I shoved Allura out of the way of an explosion. I'm really familiar by now how it feels to black out, but this... This was something different. I'm nearly positive it killed me.

[He takes a deep breath, running a hand through his hair.]

Allura was able to bring me back somehow... Got to me right away and has her new fancy Altean alchemy powers. I had a short stint in the healing pod after, so I really don't have any scars, but.

Lance...

[Keith frowns, but what the hell is he going to do? Yell at him for being brave and selfless? It's not like he can do that at all. And Allura was able to help him, so he's okay.

Keith forces himself to breathe and repeats that again in his head. Lance is okay.]

You... are not allowed to die. Ever again.

[That is the rules and Keith would like to make sure they are clear.]

Trust me, dying is the last thing I want to do. But Allura's too important to the team. I couldn't have her get hurt, you know? Better if...

[He shakes his head, not wanting to finish that thought out loud.]

I don't want to feel like that again. Even if it all happened in a flash, it was...terrifying.

And what about you?

[Keith's voice is quiet, quieter than it might have once been. He's not yelling or going off despite how deeply upsetting what Lance is saying is.] You're important to the team. You're important to me. We need you, Lance. I need you. It's not better if you get hurt instead of someone else.

[He's going to step forward to wrap his arms around Lance again.] I'm sorry I wasn't there.

Keith...

[He buries his face into his shoulder, taking a deep if shaky breath. Going for so long without this simple comfort has done a number on his physically needy self, and he's eager to grasp it close to him again now that he has the chance.]

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you all those other times I could have helped you.

[Keith turns his head so he can lean his cheek against Lance's hair, takes a breath and tries to steady himself. He's missed this too. More than he can really put into words. Eyes shut and his arms tighten around him.]

I'm not... you don't have anything to apologize for. I'm the one who left.

[And the one who disappeared off into a weird pocket of space-time.]

I should have tried harder to get you to stay. Or not have planted the idea in your head. But I'm going to make it all up to you now, I promise you, okay? You're never, ever going to feel as if this isn't where you belong.

[He places a light kiss upon his neck.]

You didn't plant anything. It was... at the time it was the right choice.

[He had to untwist and untangle the mess he'd made of himself, learn who he was and where he fit in, well, the universe as a whole. And it turns out the answer to all that was, right here. This is where he belongs. With Lance. With the others.]

But it's not anymore. I know where I belong now, and I'm not leaving again.

[A smile at the touch of those lips, and some of the tension eases out of him.] Still want me, after all?

I never stopped wanting you, dummy. It isn't just the nightmares that keep me awake, my bed's so cold without you! I miss my little portable heater.

[He gives a sigh.]

Well, maybe not as little portable heater anymore. You suck.

[Keith actually laughs at that.] I grew like two inches, you know. I think you'll adjust fine.

[His expression turns amused, playful almost as he adds,] Maybe you'll catch up eventually.

[Keith now has a couple years head start on him, after all.] But in the meantime, I'll be happy to keep you warm.

Just you wait, Keithy. Before you know it, I'll be taller than you again, and you'll be back to looking up to me.

[He pulls away just enough to be able to smile at him. Lance's expression still relays how tired he is in a general sense, but the smile there is undeniably real.]

I'm never letting you go again.

Yeah yeah...

[Keith mutters, but that smile is all he's wanted to see, and it melts something in him. Weary as it might be, well, they're all exhausted. But at least they're all safe and in one piece, together like they should be.]

Good. I'm not either. ...starting now. Mind some company tonight?

Tonight and forever. C'mon. I'm in massive cuddle withdrawal.

[And he intends on making up for it with interest, thank you very much.]

You're still an idiot.

[And Keith couldn't be happier actually. He has no desire to do anything that takes him out of Lance's arms right now. The world can wait for a while. They've waited long enough for this.]

But I love you.

You're an even bigger idiot, but I love you more. Bed time.

[He's already in his usual blue paladin pajamas, which he'd made sure to take along with him. Lance grasps Keith's hand, tugging him right over to the bed, fully intent on clinging as hard as he can.]

Don't know if I wanna let you out of my sight ever again.

Ever?

[Keith echoes, a faint smile flickering over his features. Actually, that doesn't sound terrible. But he knows full well the lives they lead won't be that kind. The war is far from over, even if everything has changed for all of them again.

So he lets himself be pulled to the bed, nowhere else he'd rather be right now.]

[Pulling Keith into the bed and close up against him, Lance lets himself relax further. He places little kisses on his cheek, especially along the line of his scar.]

We have so much to catch up on.

Yeah. We really do.

[So much. Keith is entirely too happy to settle in close, tuck himself right up against Lance, winding his arm around him and exhaling a sigh that sounds downright relieved. It really has been too long.]

My mom wants to meet you. Like actually meet you not just quick introductions like before.

Really? I'd love to actually properly meet her, too. She seems really cool... And a lot like you, too.

[He hums, a thought occurring to him.]

Have you told her? About us?

[That comment draws a smile out of Keith. His mom is pretty cool. He thinks so. But oh. Right. So. That question.]

Of course I did. I told her about all the people important to me.

[An awkward pause though as he tries to figure out how to phrase this next bit.] But uh... even if I hadn't. Where we were, the quantum abyss, there were these flashes of energy that threw us back and forth along each other's timeline. I saw a lot of visions of her past. And she saw a lot of mine.

[Understand, Lance? His mom definitely saw things he really could have lived with her never seeing. Ever.]

Huh, wow. That is mega convenient for you two catching up after so many years. Who needs an ice breaker between people when you've got that?

[That last part, though.... There's a long pause before Lance's eyes widen.]

Please tell me that your mom didn't see me naked.

Yeah, it sort of gave us a sink or swim course in knowing each other,

[And considering how talented Keith is at talking through his feelings (not... he's not talented at it. at all) it's actually something of a blessing. The added time they had to get to know one another helped too. Not just their relationship. But helped Keith, helped mend some of the deeper wounds he'd always lived with

But yeah. There were a couple downside.

Keith isn't lifting his head. Just gonna hide it right here against Lance's neck don't look at him.]

And then some, yeah.

[The quantum abyss giveth and the quantum abyss taketh away.]