lonered | (no subject)

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[for

the_tailor]

[It's... it's been a while. That's really the only thought Keith can safely consider as the mission begins. The Blade and Voltron collaborate, of course, but they've been running in different parts of the galaxy, trying to maximize what resources they have. So it's been quite a while since he's seen the others, since he's been back to the Castle or even closer than a brief video call across the lightyears.

He's had a lot of time to think, really, a lot of time to himself to ruminate on thoughts that he tries his very best to bat away. Thoughts that are wrapped up in emotions and feelings that Keith doesn't really know how to untangle at all. Not surprising. It's never really been his strong suit. As intense as his emotions can be, as volatile, they tend to get the better of him rather than he of them. It's the same old story.

And maybe that's why, he realizes, he always reacted so strongly to Lance. It was too much, too complicated, to try to unravel the varying feelings the other boy drew out in him -- exasperation and confusion, sure, but something warmer and softer, in those rare and precious moments when they were drowning in their own manufactured tension. After some time apart he's finally realized where that tension comes from, on his side.

Which makes things way too complicated. Because how the hell is he supposed to deal with having feelings for Lance, falling for Lance, when Lance... well. When he's watched Lance literally flirt his way through the universe girl by girl. But here's Keith and his stupid traitor heart feeling this way anyway.

He's torn, therefore, when it's him and Lance sent off in the Red Lion on this particular joint mission. Part of him has missed the other so much it's a relief to see him again. Part of him is so twisted up that he doesn't know which way to go. So he focuses on the mission. He's quieter than usual, even. Focus. Keep to their orders, keep to what needs to be done. It's fine.

Until the whole thing goes south. They spring an old and unexpected trap -- a mine that emitted some sort of pulse that knocked most of Red's systems straight out. The landing hadn't been pretty, but Lance had managed to set it down in a way that didn't kill them at least. The planet, the outpost, is supposed to be abandoned, at least. Less good is how chilly is it, and with Red disabled, well, it's getting chillier and chillier. At least they've got the beacon working. Eventually help will come, but it could be a while. And in the meantime... they're alone.

Together.

Keith has gone for silence, because he doesn't know where to begin.]

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I know! I'm not six...

[That's Shiro.

But he is absolutely atrocious at this. Especially with Lance who just.. mixes him up so badly.]

I just... that was weird though, right? Of me.

[Definitely weird.]

Right, cause of you being all...awkward with being physical with someone, right? Or is it just because it's me?

[Lance has no idea how on the nose he is, in a way opposite of what he's currently thinking.]

Of course because it's you!

[He agrees. But then he realizes how that sounds and stops.] But not because I don't want to!

[No wait that sounds worse. That sounds halfway into admitting things he has no intention of admitting.

Ugh. Remember when they were standing around in silence? Maybe he should go back to that. He was better at that.]

Okay, wait, back up, now you've got me totally confused here.

[Blink.

Blink.

For a moment, it almost seemed that he was implying... ...nah, he couldn't be.]

[Don't look at him like that, Lance. Don't. And as part of that deal, Keith will just plain not look at Lance at all and instead pin his gaze down on his shoes as he shrugs as indifferent a shrug as he can sum up.]

What's confusing?

[Except everything that's come out of his mouth?]

The whole...touching me thing? W-wait, that-- Oh jeez, not like that, I mean-- You know what I mean!

[His voice starts to get high pitched like it does when he's nervous. Way to word there, McClain.]

Do you even know what you mean?!

[The exasperation is honestly aimed more at himself than Lance right now, and Keith recognizes that.

So. Though? Was the touching thing good or bad he still can't tell. He hesitates before well, holding out his hand towards Lance, like he's daring him, like it's an attack in a battle that's just begun.]

I don't think I ever know what I mean when it comes to you!

[He stares at Keith's hand for a little while, unsure of what exactly he's trying to do. But for whatever reason, Keith is reaching out--literally--and Lance won't leave him hanging. So he raises his hand in order to clasp Keith's.]

Well.... me neither!

[Take that, Lance.

Keith glances down when Lance takes his hand and okay... he had no end game strategy here. So he's just going to watch their joined hands for a moment to try to figure out what he's doing.

And you know what? He's spending way too much time thinking. Lance is probably just going to punch him in the face, but hey, at least that'll make it easier when he has to head off with the Blade again, so he acts anyway.

Keith's always been better at action than words. And better at doing first and thinking later.

He tightens his fingers around Lance's and pulls, hard and sharp, to tug the other boy closer, stepping in at the same time. His free hand lifts, catching the side of Lance's neck to hold him steady. Another half step in and he's pressing his lips to Lance's.

Give him a second his brain will catch up and remind him what a terrible idea this is.]

[Lance glances at their joined hands as well. Where is this even going? Like, sweet, they're holding hands--it's one of Lance's tamer fantasies--and he's going to cherish the moment and try to keep it in a nice little mental compartment for when he feels particularly lonely.

What he really doesn't expect is to be tugged in close enough to share the same few inches of breathing space with the other boy. Keith's hand goes to his neck, and Lance is about to open his mouth to ask what the quiznak he's doing before his mouth is suddenly very much occupied.

Lance.exe has crashed.

This can't be real. This has to be a joke, right? Maybe the atmosphere on the planet is making him hallucinate. Because there's no way that his current biggest crush that'd seemed impossible for him to ever be with is actually kissing him. Lance is frozen, eyes wide, mind trying to reboot.]

[It's a few seconds before Keith realizes the mistake that he's made. This is definitely all Lance's fault. He confuses the hell out of Keith, makes it hard for him to think clearly, and now Keith has gone and done this and...

And Lane is definitely not kissing back. Why would he anyway? Keith's an idiot.

Quiznak.

Keith steps back abruptly and drops Lance's hand. A moment to stare before he's turning and walking straight over to the nearest wall. If fate were kind he'd be struck dead right here right now.]

[Thoughts are only starting to roll through his head again when Keith suddenly pulls away and, well, runs away. Which is so Keith. And it's that simple fact that makes Lance realize that this isn't just a fantasy. Fantasy Keith would have kept on kissing him and then some kind of magical bed would have materialized under them or something. Real Keith would panic and bolt.

This was real Keith.]

H-hey! Wait! You can't just kiss me and walk off like that!

Apparently that's exactly what I can do.

[Because that's what he did. Because he's an idiot and ugh he's never going to be able to look at Lance again, is he? Which is sad. He likes looking at Lance. It's a nice view and he--

Damn it those thoughts help nothing. Stop.

He's glaring at the wall now like it's personally insulted him.]

Well, just because you can do it doesn't mean you should do it!

[Now that his system reboot has gotten to his limbs as well, he strides right over. Nowhere to run now, Keith.]

You... You just... Look, if you did that just to make fun of me...

I know okay. I know I shouldn't have done it!

[Keith snaps, turning around to face Lance only to realize that oh. He's close. Shit. Keith presses his back right up against the wall, like maybe he can disappear straight into it.]

...what? How would that even... I'm not trying to make fun of you.

Because--you know! Because of how I feel!

[It's the only explanation, right? Keith must have seen right through him.]

How you feel about what?

[Okay, Lance. He's really confused right now. Super confused. And he doesn't like it at all. The confusion, or the unpleasant knot of anxiety in his stomach. He kissed Lance. Lance is definitely weirded out by it.]

I'm sorry, okay?

About you! Duh! I mean, even if you weren't making fun of me, and it was just some kind of pity kiss or something...

[He still can't believe that Keith kissed him because he liked him.]

What are you even talking about?!

[Keith is staring at him, mouth agape for a minute while he tries to do the mental math on this.

Though all at once his expression change, defensiveness dropping in favor of a genuine confusion, oddly vulnerable in a way that Keith never lets himself appear.]

How... how do you feel about me?

I-- Wait, you... Wait, wait, wait! Hold it! You kissed me without even knowing?

[Because that throws a whole wrench into any theory he's had so far.]

I still don't know because you aren't answering my question!

[What is going on here Lance, please please help him understand because he has got nowhere to run right now and it's a problem.]

Ok, no, you started this, you have to go first! If you weren't kissing me out of pity or to make fun of me, then why did you kiss me?

[Even now, Lance still feels kind of terrified to blurt out to him how he really feels.]

Is this some bizarro universe where people kiss for weird mysterious reasons?! Isn't there only one reason you kiss someone... because you want to kiss them? Because I wanted to kiss you...

[Why are you making this so impossible, Lance? Keith thinks it has to be a unique talent. If Lance is going to hate him for this can he just get to hating him for it and stop torturing him?? That'd be much kinder.]

[It's a Lance talent. Look, for all his bluster and claims that he's the one going around breaking hearts, it's always been his heart getting broken. Practically no one ever wants to kiss him.]

I thought... I... I mean, up until now, I'd thought you still kind of hated me.

I never hated you, idiot.

[The romance is overwhelming. Keith is sulking, crossing his arms over his chest defensively now.]

But I don't know what else you want me to say, Lance. You made me admit it. I've admitted it. I said I was sorry. I don't...

[He just doesn't. He's confused and isn't sure why Lance hasn't told him to go to hell and dropped the subject already instead of drawing it out. It's starting to hurt. He drops his gaze again.] I don't know what you want from me.