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[lonered]

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[maskormods]

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Re: untraceable text

[lonered]

Who is this?

Backdated to the 18th

[spaceforged]

[It's breakfast before work and Shiro made the coffee this morning. He's good at it. There's not much to put x in x and wait for x. He sets a mug of steaming coffee down in front of Keith and clears his throat.]

Keith. Have you thought of what you want to do for your birthday? I know it's all strange right now, but we can make time for it.

[lonered]

[Keith flashes Shiro a look full of tired gratitude and reaches for the caffeine, fingers curling around the mug, bringing it in closer to breathe it in. Even the smell feels like it helps him wake up a bit.

But then Shiro speaks and Keith looks startled.]

For my... [Huh. He blinks.] I guess that is coming up. I hadn't really thought about it.

[spaceforged]

[Shiro smiles as he drops into the seat across from Keith and stirs his spoon in his coffee.] We have time to do whatever comes to mind. I made sure to have that day open.

[He takes a sip of his coffee and small sip is enough to wake him the whole way. He doesn't need it as much as Keith does but it is nice to have a pick me up.] Think about it and let me know. It doesn't have to be directly on it if you'd prefer it on another day.

[lonered]

[He'd kicked the caffeine habit in space, since, you know, space. But working at a cafe has gone and gotten him more than a bit used to it. He takes a tentative sip of his own coffee, testing the temperature before taking a more substantial sip.]

That's...

[Oh. A small smile starts over his features, and he tries and fails not to look as pleased as he is by that. Shiro actually cleared the day? Because of him? He looks down into his coffee, smiling.]

No, that day is great.

[And the idea of spending his birthday with Shiro is already the best sort of birthday he could ask for, but,] ...you know, they rent motorcycles at this place nearby.

[Not quite as good as his speeder back home, but...]

[spaceforged]

[He leans forward with a spark in his grey eyes. Keith has his attention. Not that Keith has to try very hard for that.] I know the place. Shall I call them on my lunch break?

[When was the last time he raced without a care? It’s been too long. His fingers itch to wrap around handle bars. Keith has to be just as itching to be feeling the speed of a good race.]

Anything else? [He watches Keith with a smile spreading across his face. He would prod the others of course and let them come up with a celebration to show Keith how much they all care. But the day itself belongs to Keith however he wants to spend it.]

[lonered]

[A grin splits its way across Keith's face as he nods.] Yeah. Sounds great.

[It'll be fun. To just take off, let the wind whip by and take everything with it. He sets his coffee cup down, fingers still wrapped around it.] No jumping off cliffs this time, old-timer. We'd lose our deposits.

[Keith thinks he's funny sometimes, understated as his humor may be.

He pauses at the anything else though, a momentary hesitation before he shakes his head.] I haven't exactly done anything for my birthday since my dad was around. You're the only one who ever really noticed. [And that's more than he could ask for.]

[spaceforged]

[Shiro snorts and takes a sip of his coffee.] A normal motorcycle can’t take that kind of jump or redirect the energy of the fall.

Remind me to stress that when Pidge starts learning to drive motor vehicles if she hasn’t already.

[The idea of Pidge who does what she wants and rarely listens to anyone behind the wheel gives him a cold sweat. He puts that aside.] And in this case, I think more than just I noticed, I’m just the one asking you directly.

Motorcycle race it is. Where we eat after is up to you.

[lonered]

...well that's terrifying.

[That's what Keith has to say to that. But there's a thread of amusement running through the words.

He nods though.]

That sounds really great.

Action, Evening on Dec 8

[spaceforged]

[Shiro rubs his hair down vigorously on his way out of the bathroom. He pads barefoot over to the bed and sits down. He would have waited for Keith but he intends to have a talk that he has kept putting off.

He waits with his towel draped over his shoulders. One breath in. One out. He has to do this. Keith will have him to hold tightly once he knows the shape of the future. Shiro looks up once the door opens and smiles just a bit, his expression soft.] Keith, I’ve got some questions. I think you know which ones.

[lonered]

[Keith stops just inside the doorway. Kosmo has padded in after him, and he watches as the wolf makes its way to its usual spot at the foot of the bed as Shiro's words wash over him. A slight nod and he turns his gaze back to Shiro.]

Yeah. I've got an idea.

[He offers a smile back, small but soft.] Whatever you need to know, Shiro. I'll answer whatever I can.

[Making his way over, he settles to a seat beside Shiro, close, reaching to to catch the other man's hand with his own.]

[spaceforged]

[Keith’s hand is warm and he leans into him. He could decide not to ask right now. They would go to bed together and Keith would wait until he was ready to truly ask. He squeezes Keith’s hand.]

Something happens to me, doesn’t it? And the reason you have that scar...I did that while Haggar had control. Didn’t I?

[He reaches out with his free hand and traces over the scar, feeling out the shape of it.]

[lonered]

[He wishes the answers were simpler, wishes that he could answer yes or no even, but he can't. That hand traces his scar and he leans into it. Keith can't be surprised that Shiro has pieced it together. The other man is too sharp to not have guessed at the general shape that his future will take. Turning just enough to face Shiro, Keith meets his gaze for a long moment.]

It's... more complicated than that. But yes. And no.

[A deep breath because these next words are the hardest ones he's ever had to speak.] You died. In the battle with Zarkon, we won, but we lost you. Black's cockpit was empty. We didn't know what happened. And we searched everywhere for you. Eventually we had to find a new black paladin.

[He didn't want it. He wasn't ready. His grief was going to drown him, but there wasn't a choice. The team needed a black paladin, and the lion chose him. As time went on, Keith realized it hadn't been the wrong choice after all, but that took a long time to come to.] But we... I... kept looking. And we found you, except it wasn't you.

[spaceforged]

[The information sits heavily between them. As the shape his future will take spreads out in his mind’s eye. He closes his eyes and breathes. Anything else feels like too much. He looks back through the past trying to pinpoint when he would be killed. But that’s too easy to see.

There’s no doubt that the last attack likely killed him. And Keith, the team, had to carry on. That too explains why Allura has a space she could step into. He is proud of her but he had wondered. Shiro opens his eyes,]

That sounds like what Pidge told me. When she saw me she said ‘It’s the real you.’ I wondered about that. So this other me, he was taken over by Haggar. How...does he carry on or is there more to this? [It’s difficult to talk about death. He is aware it was coming for him. It has been for so long. To be past that feels like walking in darkness. If he’s dead and this other him takes his place he will be glad the other had a life.

A life not defined by the druids. If that is where he came from.]

[lonered]

[Keith is silent a moment, giving Shiro a breath or two to process everything. It's a lot. It has to be a lot. It makes his own head swim, and he's the one who's already experienced it. Once Shiro speaks again, Keith nods.] A lot more. He was taken over by Haggar, but not at first. Not for a long while. When he first came, Black wouldn't have him. But he managed to bond with him. That's when I left, to be with the Blade full time. I thought it was the best thing for the team. I thought the team would be better without me. You, the other you, and I... there was a lot of tension there, and I didn't know how to handle it.

[A breath.] I was wrong. I should have stayed and worked through it. Maybe I would've realized it sooner. Maybe I would've found you sooner, the real you -- at the end of that battle, when you died, Black saved your consciousness. Your essence was still alive inside the black lion's consciousness. I only found you after Haggar had taken over the clone. After he attacked the castle and stole Lotor away. After he and I fought, after he gave me this scar. I tried to get through to him. I didn't know he was a clone at the time, but even so he was still you. And not you at the same time.

[They're all good Shiros, Brent.] After I defeated him, after I cut off the arm that Haggar was using to control him, after we fell, I woke up in Black's consciousness and you were there. You helped me make it back to the others in time to defeat Lotor. The other you, he was dying after what Haggar had done to him. And you were stuck in Black's consciousness. But Allura took your consciousness out of Black and joined it with the clone's body. We didn't know if it would work, but you fought, you held on. You came back to us. To me.

[spaceforged]

[He takes a moment to piece it all together. The clone had thought like him and had been him. But he hadn’t had the experience and fresh from captivity he found the team had moved on. Even if that’s what he would have wanted it feel strange.

And Keith would give way to him when he shouldn’t have. That would be frustrating as they both clashed over styles of leadership and, Keith left. He finds the words after a long moment and drops his hand on Keith’s face to his shoulder.] No it wasn’t the best for the team. But you needed time to find the confidence you lacked when you had to take my place.

I’m sorry it went down like that. But none of the answers to it are all that easy Keith. Maybe you would have realized it. Maybe he would have been really good at hiding it. We don’t know what was going on with him at the same time he was struggling to find his place again.

[And he will be within the Lion. Forced to see it all and unable to act. If he reads this whole situation right. Then two versions of the same man blended together. It sounds like an absolute mess. A mess they have no choice but to live with. Maybe both live on. He sighs.] ...This is a lot bigger of a mess than I expected but, you found me in the end, Keith. You and the others didn’t give up. Thank you.

I’m alive in the time ahead because of that. [Then he frowns.] It also explains why Clotho accepted Darin’s sacrifice but wouldn’t let me give anything up.

[lonered]

[Keith smiles, even if the expression is tinged just at the edges with something almost bittersweet. That's so... Shiro, always willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. A small shake of his head.]

Don't apologize. It isn't your fault. I... don't really think it's anyone's fault. Not anymore at least.

[Oh he blamed himself and his failures for a long time, because that's an old habit that he's very talented with. But enough distance to see things clearly helped.]

I will always find you. No matter what. As many times as it takes. [But fewer times would be fine with him. It's his turn to lift a hand fingers tracing slowly along the edge of the scar across the bridge of Shiro's nose, down along his cheek.] You've already given up more than enough for everyone else. Maybe she could see that.

Jan 3, 7 am

[spaceforged]

[At seven am sharp, the front door rattles. After a moment a knock sounds, precisely timed as if the other person were counting the raps in their head.

When Keith gets to the door and opens it, Shiro is on the other side leaning against the wall. His pure white hair falls into his face as he smiles tiredly at him.] Hey.

[His right arm is missing and the sleeve is tied off. But the shoulder looks decidedly mechanical from how his coat is draped over it. He pushes away from the wall and grabs the small duffel, tossing it past Keith as he tiredly steps forward and wraps that arm around Keith.]

They gave that to me because of some papers we can worry about later. Sorry. [For so many things he is sorry. But for the moment he won’t talk about that.]

...I’m so sorry, Keith.

[lonered]

[Keith hasn't slept, so he's awake when the knock on the door comes. He's in shorts and a t-shirt because he went so far as to lie in bed for a while, but that was terrible given that he's gotten used to falling asleep with Shiro by his side, and his absence is even more starkly noticeable there.

So he hears the knock, and he's at off the couch and at the door a moment later, the relief on his face is immediately painfully obvious. He takes him in, the missing arm. The white hair. His heart lurches and he wraps his arms tightly around the other man when Shiro steps forward, holding him close for a long moment, shutting his eyes and just pressing his face into Shiro's shoulder.]

Takashi... [He breathes, leaning back, hands running up Shiro's chest, his face, up through that white hair down to rest at either cheek as he shakes his head.] You don't have anything to apologize for. Come on... let's get you inside. You look exhausted.

[spaceforged]

[He opens his mouth to protest then visibly decides not to push it. His shoulders sag with exhaustion.] I feel exhausted.

I got in two hours ago. They poked and prodded me at the base, then arranged some leave from work and-

[He cuts himself off and sighs, leaning into Keith's hands. There's so much they need to talk about. For now, he turns his head and kisses Keith's fingers.] Let's get to bed. You look tired too...we can talk about everything in the morning.

[lonered]

[Some tension in Keith that he hadn't even known was there eases at the touch of Shiro's lips to his fingers. It's not that he's worried, exactly, about Shiro's heart changing -- but so much has happened that the man in front of him now has lived through.

Whatever happens, Keith will stand by him, however Shiro needs him.]

Sounds like a plan.

[He steps back and catches Shiro's hand with his own, tugging gently and leading them both to Shiro's room. The covers are crumpled, since in the few hours he'd tried to sleep, he'd done so here. He turns to start helping Shiro out of his jacket.]

[spaceforged]

[He follows Keith through the apartment and down the hall. Every step feels as exhausting as the last but the promise of sleep is at the end of the trek. He

It isn't any surprise Keith had bedded down in his room...it feels more like the room belongs to both of them. He can feel Black in the back of his mind, their presence like a storm and letting him be for now.

He's grateful for their support as he grabs for Keith's shoulder and shifts to help Keith ease him out of the right side of the jacket.] Coffee and pancakes in the morning?

[He's talking just to talk and he knows it. The world feels too much and not at the same time. He needs to fill the silence.]

[lonered]

It's a date. We can even splurge and get bacon.

[He agrees, setting the jacket on the bureau. They can worry about tidying later. Right now he just wants to get Shiro into bed. There's a faint, tentative smile on his face as he leans up and in to press a kiss to his cheek.]

It's good to have you back.

[It's the familiar phrase, but god he means the words. He always means the words.] I'm sorry too, Shiro.

[For everything he went through that Keith had been powerless to stop, for not having found him sooner. He steps away just long enough to pull back the covers.]

[spaceforged]

It’s good to be back. [He says as he kicks off his shoes and socks. The shoes were lended to him and likely taken out of his pay. He should be more careful with them. He pushes them up against the side of the bed.

Shiro unbuckles his belt and thumbs his pants open. Getting his pants down is a bit of a struggle but as the covers are pulled back just far enough, he steps out of his pants.

Down to just a shirt and boxers, he slowly sits down on the edge of the bed.] You have nothing to apologize for. I’m here, and I don’t plan on going anywhere until morning.