lonered | IC Inbox - MaskorMenace

[Keith’s hand is warm and he leans into him. He could decide not to ask right now. They would go to bed together and Keith would wait until he was ready to truly ask. He squeezes Keith’s hand.]

Something happens to me, doesn’t it? And the reason you have that scar...I did that while Haggar had control. Didn’t I?

[He reaches out with his free hand and traces over the scar, feeling out the shape of it.]

[He wishes the answers were simpler, wishes that he could answer yes or no even, but he can't. That hand traces his scar and he leans into it. Keith can't be surprised that Shiro has pieced it together. The other man is too sharp to not have guessed at the general shape that his future will take. Turning just enough to face Shiro, Keith meets his gaze for a long moment.]

It's... more complicated than that. But yes. And no.

[A deep breath because these next words are the hardest ones he's ever had to speak.] You died. In the battle with Zarkon, we won, but we lost you. Black's cockpit was empty. We didn't know what happened. And we searched everywhere for you. Eventually we had to find a new black paladin.

[He didn't want it. He wasn't ready. His grief was going to drown him, but there wasn't a choice. The team needed a black paladin, and the lion chose him. As time went on, Keith realized it hadn't been the wrong choice after all, but that took a long time to come to.] But we... I... kept looking. And we found you, except it wasn't you.

[The information sits heavily between them. As the shape his future will take spreads out in his mind’s eye. He closes his eyes and breathes. Anything else feels like too much. He looks back through the past trying to pinpoint when he would be killed. But that’s too easy to see.

There’s no doubt that the last attack likely killed him. And Keith, the team, had to carry on. That too explains why Allura has a space she could step into. He is proud of her but he had wondered. Shiro opens his eyes,]

That sounds like what Pidge told me. When she saw me she said ‘It’s the real you.’ I wondered about that. So this other me, he was taken over by Haggar. How...does he carry on or is there more to this? [It’s difficult to talk about death. He is aware it was coming for him. It has been for so long. To be past that feels like walking in darkness. If he’s dead and this other him takes his place he will be glad the other had a life.

A life not defined by the druids. If that is where he came from.]

[Keith is silent a moment, giving Shiro a breath or two to process everything. It's a lot. It has to be a lot. It makes his own head swim, and he's the one who's already experienced it. Once Shiro speaks again, Keith nods.] A lot more. He was taken over by Haggar, but not at first. Not for a long while. When he first came, Black wouldn't have him. But he managed to bond with him. That's when I left, to be with the Blade full time. I thought it was the best thing for the team. I thought the team would be better without me. You, the other you, and I... there was a lot of tension there, and I didn't know how to handle it.

[A breath.] I was wrong. I should have stayed and worked through it. Maybe I would've realized it sooner. Maybe I would've found you sooner, the real you -- at the end of that battle, when you died, Black saved your consciousness. Your essence was still alive inside the black lion's consciousness. I only found you after Haggar had taken over the clone. After he attacked the castle and stole Lotor away. After he and I fought, after he gave me this scar. I tried to get through to him. I didn't know he was a clone at the time, but even so he was still you. And not you at the same time.

[They're all good Shiros, Brent.] After I defeated him, after I cut off the arm that Haggar was using to control him, after we fell, I woke up in Black's consciousness and you were there. You helped me make it back to the others in time to defeat Lotor. The other you, he was dying after what Haggar had done to him. And you were stuck in Black's consciousness. But Allura took your consciousness out of Black and joined it with the clone's body. We didn't know if it would work, but you fought, you held on. You came back to us. To me.

[He takes a moment to piece it all together. The clone had thought like him and had been him. But he hadn’t had the experience and fresh from captivity he found the team had moved on. Even if that’s what he would have wanted it feel strange.

And Keith would give way to him when he shouldn’t have. That would be frustrating as they both clashed over styles of leadership and, Keith left. He finds the words after a long moment and drops his hand on Keith’s face to his shoulder.] No it wasn’t the best for the team. But you needed time to find the confidence you lacked when you had to take my place.

I’m sorry it went down like that. But none of the answers to it are all that easy Keith. Maybe you would have realized it. Maybe he would have been really good at hiding it. We don’t know what was going on with him at the same time he was struggling to find his place again.

[And he will be within the Lion. Forced to see it all and unable to act. If he reads this whole situation right. Then two versions of the same man blended together. It sounds like an absolute mess. A mess they have no choice but to live with. Maybe both live on. He sighs.] ...This is a lot bigger of a mess than I expected but, you found me in the end, Keith. You and the others didn’t give up. Thank you.

I’m alive in the time ahead because of that. [Then he frowns.] It also explains why Clotho accepted Darin’s sacrifice but wouldn’t let me give anything up.

[Keith smiles, even if the expression is tinged just at the edges with something almost bittersweet. That's so... Shiro, always willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. A small shake of his head.]

Don't apologize. It isn't your fault. I... don't really think it's anyone's fault. Not anymore at least.

[Oh he blamed himself and his failures for a long time, because that's an old habit that he's very talented with. But enough distance to see things clearly helped.]

I will always find you. No matter what. As many times as it takes. [But fewer times would be fine with him. It's his turn to lift a hand fingers tracing slowly along the edge of the scar across the bridge of Shiro's nose, down along his cheek.] You've already given up more than enough for everyone else. Maybe she could see that.

[His eyes widen as he registers what Keith is touching and leans into his hand as it comes around to his cheek. His heart is beating quickly in his chest as he leans forward and kisses Keith. He has kissed him enough times to be used to the taste of his lips and he leans closer, sliding his hand into Keith’s dark hair.

It feels like coming home. Yes, his future is a series of events he has to process and get used to being his future. But Keith and the others will be there. As he told Allura, they are a family, and they’ll hold each other up.

Shiro draws back before the kiss can deepen to something more.] Maybe, but Keith...

[He smiles, his hand resting on the back of Keith’s neck as he says,] That goes both ways. If you get lost I’ll come find you. I won’t give up and I’ll seek you out as many times as it takes.

I’ll bring you back.

[Keith meets the kiss, warm and pliant with all the affection, all the sometimes near overwhelming love that Keith feels for Shiro. They've been through hell and back together. He's quite ready to chase that kiss even as Shiro is pulling back, and his attention remains fixed on his boyfriend's lips for a long moment before the words register.

The warmth that blossoms through his chest undoes him.]

Takashi...

[His hands move to cup gently at either side of Shiro's face.] I know.

[He holds still, closing his eyes. Then he laughs softly,] You even already have proof of that. I just haven’t made it that far yet.

[He reaches up and closes his hands over Keith’s. He loves this man. They bring balance to each other in a way he hasn’t experienced before. He feels comfortable enough to lean on him and Keith clearly feels the same.

He slowly draws Keith backwards until his back meets the mattress and he stares up at him in silent trust.] Thank you for telling me. ...is there anything else I absolutely should know about the future? About the team. About you. I want to know.

Edited 2019-12-14 16:00 (UTC)

[Keith's expression is a soft, open smile, the sort of expression that only ever finds its way onto his face when he's with Shiro. He lets himself be drawn back with Shiro, settling so he's only half draped across him, one arm braced on the other side of Shiro's chest.]

We lost the Castle. It had to be sacrificed to save everyone, to close tears in reality. [Quieter now.] It was home for all of us, but Allura and Coran most of all. Allura has been through a lot.

[After what happened with Lotor and then losing the Castle. On top of everything else that had happened before they even met her. She's strong and capable, but that doesn't mean he can't worry.]

[His lips press into a thin line as he closes his eyes. Allura has been through a lot and to lose the one true piece of Altea left...] Yes, she has. And more here.

[And Darin gave up his freedom to leave this world. That has to be wearing on Allura pretty hard.] All we can do is be there and be as supportive as we can be.

[He runs his hand along Keith's back and reaches for the covers with the other hand. As he pulls them up he says,] I'm worried too. I know she's strong and just as capable as any of us. ...but she's too willing to sacrifice parts of herself.

[He knows it sounds hypocritical of him. But as he reaches up and brushes Keith's hair out of his eyes he doubts Keith will disagree.] It isn't an easy situation we were in but...

[But he worries all the same.]

She is, all those things. But you're right. All we can do is be there for her when she needs us.

[And he wants to be there. Allura is a friend. More than that, family. All the paladins are. Keith settles in against Shiro now, leaning up to nuzzle at Shiro's cheek, touching a kiss there. Affection comes easy with Shiro, and sometimes it surprises him just how natural it is.

And he adds, softer,] Too willing to sacrifice sounds pretty familiar though. Must be contagious.

[But that's Shiro, and Keith has accepted that.]

[Shiro wraps both his arms around Keith and kisses the top of his head. He runs his fingers through Keith's dark hair as he whispers back,] Must be. Seems like it's spreading.

[Shiro traces his fingers over the scar on the right side of Keith's chest. He remembers seeing him get that one. The Marmora trials had been brutal.]

But that's alright, we are who we are. [He gently tugs on Keith, urging him to lean up again so he can kiss him. He accepted Keith's tendencies to sacrifice of himself for him and for others. It's who he is.]

And one of the many reasons, I love you. No matter what you're doing, you're all in, all the time.

[What no Shiro, he wasn't talking about himself in that. But he doesn't fuss about it, not when Shiro's fingers are in his hair, soothing and soft and all too comfortable. That doesn't mean he doesn't lean up eagerly to kiss Shiro.

He can't imagine not wanting to kiss Shiro given the opportunity.]

That... is the sweetest way anyone has ever called me overly intense in my life.

[He teases gently before stealing another kiss.] It's one of the reasons I love you too, how much you care, how much you always want to help, to do the right thing.

[Shiro smiles, one side of his mouth curving up more than the other. He slides one hand under the edge of Keith’s shirt brushes warm skin with his fingers.] That’s got to be the nicest way anyone has ever told me I’m too willing to throw myself in the fire.

[He moves his hand up higher as his smile softens and he lays back, his eyes never leaving Keith’s.] I think we should get some sleep unless you have other ideas?

[Keith hums his approval at the feeling of those fingers against his skin, cozying himself up against Shiro quite closely, draping an arm across that broad, strong chest.]

You and my dad. It's a theme in my life, I think.

[One that has already ended in pain and heartbreak once, but he'd choose Shiro every time despite the risk of it.

Leaning up he presses a kiss to his cheek just at the corner of his lips.] I always have ideas, but I think sleep is probably the best one right now.

We can always try those ideas out in the morning. [Shiro says as he rubs Keith’s back.
He reaches out and flicks off the light, leaving them in darkness.]

Good night, Keith. [He kisses the crown of his head and closes his eyes. With the future now in his sights his dreams are likely to be a place of nightmares. But he isn’t afraid of that. He searches for Keith’s hand and takes it in his.]

I love you.

Works for me.

[Keith agrees relaxing all the more against Shiro, head resting on his shoulder. He lets his hands be taken, fingers spreading to lace with the other man's.]

I love you too, Takashi.

[So much more than the words can properly express.] Goodnight.

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