lonered | (no subject)

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the_tailor]

[It's... it's been a while. That's really the only thought Keith can safely consider as the mission begins. The Blade and Voltron collaborate, of course, but they've been running in different parts of the galaxy, trying to maximize what resources they have. So it's been quite a while since he's seen the others, since he's been back to the Castle or even closer than a brief video call across the lightyears.

He's had a lot of time to think, really, a lot of time to himself to ruminate on thoughts that he tries his very best to bat away. Thoughts that are wrapped up in emotions and feelings that Keith doesn't really know how to untangle at all. Not surprising. It's never really been his strong suit. As intense as his emotions can be, as volatile, they tend to get the better of him rather than he of them. It's the same old story.

And maybe that's why, he realizes, he always reacted so strongly to Lance. It was too much, too complicated, to try to unravel the varying feelings the other boy drew out in him -- exasperation and confusion, sure, but something warmer and softer, in those rare and precious moments when they were drowning in their own manufactured tension. After some time apart he's finally realized where that tension comes from, on his side.

Which makes things way too complicated. Because how the hell is he supposed to deal with having feelings for Lance, falling for Lance, when Lance... well. When he's watched Lance literally flirt his way through the universe girl by girl. But here's Keith and his stupid traitor heart feeling this way anyway.

He's torn, therefore, when it's him and Lance sent off in the Red Lion on this particular joint mission. Part of him has missed the other so much it's a relief to see him again. Part of him is so twisted up that he doesn't know which way to go. So he focuses on the mission. He's quieter than usual, even. Focus. Keep to their orders, keep to what needs to be done. It's fine.

Until the whole thing goes south. They spring an old and unexpected trap -- a mine that emitted some sort of pulse that knocked most of Red's systems straight out. The landing hadn't been pretty, but Lance had managed to set it down in a way that didn't kill them at least. The planet, the outpost, is supposed to be abandoned, at least. Less good is how chilly is it, and with Red disabled, well, it's getting chillier and chillier. At least they've got the beacon working. Eventually help will come, but it could be a while. And in the meantime... they're alone.

Together.

Keith has gone for silence, because he doesn't know where to begin.]

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[Dot.

Dot dot dot.

Lance turns his glance back to him, just staring.]

Wow, Keith. That's it. That's what I want on my grave. "Not the worst person in the galaxy".

Yeah, well. You've earned it.

[Keith offers back. The banter and the snarking back and forth is easier than actually trying to think about the current turmoil that's making it hard for him to concentrate.

Though he does add, voice quieter.] ...except you're not allowed to die. So.

[No graves.]

Tell that to the pockets of Galra still trying to kill me. Actually, please do, it'd save me a whooooooole lot of trouble. Waking up every day wondering "man, wonder if today's gonna be the day I get blown up" is getting really old.

[Because when could he ever get a break, really?]

That's not funny, Lance.

[Not even a little. But Keith gets it. Yeah. They all risk their lives every day without exception, have since the war started. And even if the battles have changed, the dangers are still there.]

...we're not getting blown up today at least.

[Keith will see to it. Somehow.]

No, it's not. But joking about it is the only way I can actually deal with it, so there.

[Another poor rock gets kicked.]

Being blown up doesn't seem like a possibility today, but it does feel like it's getting cold as hell. That's, like, a weird phrase, you know? 'Cause hell's supposed to be all burning hot. Why do we say "cold as hell" and "hot as hell" both? English speakers are weird.

...you're kind of babbling you know.

[Keith informs him, and normally that would be packaged together with a roll of his eyes and a snide glance. But today? There's the faintest beginnings of a smile, and the words sound almost fond.

He can't help it. He really has missed this idiot.]

...I think cold is worse anyway. [Says the boy who spent a bunch of time in the desert. So it is cold as hell, and he hates it.]

If by "babbling" you mean "pointing out a very astute observation", then yes, Keith. Yes, I am babbling.

[He eyerolls, though his voice sounds fonder now.]

So do I. I grew up right along the beach, so I really suck when it comes to cold weather.

Pretty sure I just meant babbling.

[Now a full smile smakes its way over his features. Okay. This feels comfortable somehow.]

A beach would be pretty great right now. Why do we never seem to get sent to tropical beach planets?

Because Allura hates us or something.

[He huffs. Okay, it's a joke, he knows well that she cares for them all, but she isn't exactly easy on them either.]

I'd do anything for a sweet beach getaway. The whole bunch of us just chillin' by the ocean, playing volleyball, having swim races, playing games, making sandcastles...

Allura hasn't hated me for a while.

[Also a joke. ...but a true one? There was that intensely rough patch when they first found out he was half Galra.

As Lance chatters on, something in Keith relaxes, his expression, his tone, even his posture.]

Sounds nice, actually. Really nice. ...I guess we don't exactly have time for vacation though. [A pause and he glances away.] I mean I've barely even seen you guys in forever. There's always another mission.

Mission this, mission that.. It sucks. You're right. We haven't seen each other in ages, and it sucks. I--we--miss you so much. We'd steal you back in a moment if we could.

[His foot goes back to abusing that poor rock.]

[Okay but even Keith notices that I that slips in there, and he looks back over at Lance now, almost startled by that. It's... wow it's way too nice to hear. It makes something in his chest feel like it's tightening.]

You do?

[He might be more surprised by that than he ought to be.

Though he does add.] I miss you too.

Wait...really? Really really? Me? I woulda thought that your favorite part about being in the Blades was not having to be near me.

[Lance is just as surprised, honestly. Despite their growing bond, he still has it in his head that Keith sees him as an annoyance.]

No... that's your favorite part about me being gone.

[Easy mistake. Keith's favorite part about being in the Blades is he can't fuck up and put everyone he cares about's life in danger because he shouldn't be leading. ...or you know, learning about who he is and who he can be and who he wants to be, and maybe getting to the point where he'll be strong enough to deserve to go back.]

But... yeah. Really. ...you.

Yeah, well, you're wrong about that. I missed you, why would I not want you around me?

[It feels so awkward to admit this, but he doesn't want Keith to have the wrong, opposite idea of what things are really like."

...well so did I. So why wouldn't I??

[Are they going to fight about missing each other? Is that what is about to happen here? It feels like that's what's about to happen here which is... honestly so absurd that Keith finds himself taking a mental step back.

Huh.

It's actually kind of funny. He might be smothering a laugh.]

[That's exactly what's happening here.

It takes a moment for it to click in Lance's brain that they're arguing about...missing each other. Seeing Keith smother his laughter is enough for Lance to break out into his own.]

Wow, we really have massive communication issues, huh?

We really do.

[Keith admits, agreeing, with a shake of his head. Maybe it's the sound of Lance's laughter, but he's wandering in closer to him now, like a mulleted moth to a flame. So... Lance actually misses him.

And he misses Lance. And neither of them are happier being far away from each other?

That's almost enough to give a guy with a hopeless crush a little hope. Except, well, no. Probably still hopeless. Keith is still fully aware of Lance's girl craziness. Ah well. ...he can be happy with at least not being despised, right? That's something. That's definitely something!

...he's an idiot.]

[Not the only idiot.

The laughter finally dies down, and Lance reaches out to clasp Keith on the shoulder.]

Well, the situation here blows, but at least we get to be together.

Yeah. I mean... it could definitely be worse.

[At least they match.

Without thinking (which is Keith's general problem with everything) he winds up lifting his hand to settle atop the one of Lance's on his shoulder and--

Wait. He shouldn't have done that. It's weird. Is it weirder if he yanks it away now or weirder if he leaves it? He's not sure. So it's a weird mix of both. His hand lingers before he's jerking it away abruptly.]

[Oh.

Even through their gloves, he can sort of kind of feel the warmth of Keith's hand on top of his own, and it's a nice warmth. One that he misses when Keith suddenly retracts his hand.]

It's okay, man, I don't have cooties or anything.

I know! I'm not six...

[That's Shiro.

But he is absolutely atrocious at this. Especially with Lance who just.. mixes him up so badly.]

I just... that was weird though, right? Of me.

[Definitely weird.]

Right, cause of you being all...awkward with being physical with someone, right? Or is it just because it's me?

[Lance has no idea how on the nose he is, in a way opposite of what he's currently thinking.]

Of course because it's you!

[He agrees. But then he realizes how that sounds and stops.] But not because I don't want to!

[No wait that sounds worse. That sounds halfway into admitting things he has no intention of admitting.

Ugh. Remember when they were standing around in silence? Maybe he should go back to that. He was better at that.]

Okay, wait, back up, now you've got me totally confused here.

[Blink.

Blink.

For a moment, it almost seemed that he was implying... ...nah, he couldn't be.]