lonered | (no subject)

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[It's... it's been a while. That's really the only thought Keith can safely consider as the mission begins. The Blade and Voltron collaborate, of course, but they've been running in different parts of the galaxy, trying to maximize what resources they have. So it's been quite a while since he's seen the others, since he's been back to the Castle or even closer than a brief video call across the lightyears.

He's had a lot of time to think, really, a lot of time to himself to ruminate on thoughts that he tries his very best to bat away. Thoughts that are wrapped up in emotions and feelings that Keith doesn't really know how to untangle at all. Not surprising. It's never really been his strong suit. As intense as his emotions can be, as volatile, they tend to get the better of him rather than he of them. It's the same old story.

And maybe that's why, he realizes, he always reacted so strongly to Lance. It was too much, too complicated, to try to unravel the varying feelings the other boy drew out in him -- exasperation and confusion, sure, but something warmer and softer, in those rare and precious moments when they were drowning in their own manufactured tension. After some time apart he's finally realized where that tension comes from, on his side.

Which makes things way too complicated. Because how the hell is he supposed to deal with having feelings for Lance, falling for Lance, when Lance... well. When he's watched Lance literally flirt his way through the universe girl by girl. But here's Keith and his stupid traitor heart feeling this way anyway.

He's torn, therefore, when it's him and Lance sent off in the Red Lion on this particular joint mission. Part of him has missed the other so much it's a relief to see him again. Part of him is so twisted up that he doesn't know which way to go. So he focuses on the mission. He's quieter than usual, even. Focus. Keep to their orders, keep to what needs to be done. It's fine.

Until the whole thing goes south. They spring an old and unexpected trap -- a mine that emitted some sort of pulse that knocked most of Red's systems straight out. The landing hadn't been pretty, but Lance had managed to set it down in a way that didn't kill them at least. The planet, the outpost, is supposed to be abandoned, at least. Less good is how chilly is it, and with Red disabled, well, it's getting chillier and chillier. At least they've got the beacon working. Eventually help will come, but it could be a while. And in the meantime... they're alone.

Together.

Keith has gone for silence, because he doesn't know where to begin.]

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[Lance would be lying to himself if he said that with every joint mission between Voltron and the Blade, he hadn't wished to be teamed up with Keith. Despite the lingering antagonism between them and the rivalry that Lance would never let die, it was he who probably took Keith's departure the hardest. It was more than just not having someone to make fun of.

No, it was definitely more than that. It was not having someone to be there, constantly challenging him and forcing him to be better than he thought he could be. It was not having a verbal sparring partner who gave as good as he took. It was not having that awkward but sincere confidence in him that the team needed him.

And lately, he'd come to realize, it was not having someone who made his heart race, his palms sweat, and his mind unable to focus on anything but him. This wasn't like any of Lance's constant crushes. It was something more, and it terrified him as much as it excited him.

Of course, out of all the people in the universe he'd end up falling in love with, it was Keith Kogane. Life had a way of laughing at him like that.

It was that fear and excitement that lay heavy in his stomach when he met up with the boy in question for the latest joint mission. It wasn't to be anything difficult, but nothing ever seemed to go according to plan.

The beacon's working, so all they can do is wait. And wait.

Lance can't take any of the silence anymore.]

Sooooooooo... Wanna play twenty questions? Eye spy?

...we're in a lion. The only thing you can spy is... the lion. Parts of the lion.

[Well, death of the party and fun-hater mode is definitely activated now. But still, Keith is weirdly relieved that they broke the silence, and he turns towards Lance to face him, almost surprised.]

I'm not great at those sorts of games anyway.

[Give him something with a little bit of physical skill and a competition and he could handle it. Social icebreakers? Impossible. They may as well have been written in a different language.]

...we could just... talk.

[Not that Keith is good at that either. At all.] I mean, just that it's been a while. So... stuff must've happened, right?

Look, there's the grass! And, uh... Rocks?

[Alright, maybe even party pooper Keith has a point here. He does raise an eyebrow when Keith suggests to talk, though, because...huh. Usually he's happier brooding than he is talking.]

Yeah, it's been a while. Uhhh, yeah... Things are sort of routine. Except for that jerk Lotor. It sucks having him onboard.

[Keith's expression flattens at that. Lance, you've proven his point expertly. Thank you. Keith can't help but look a little relieved when Lance actually starts talking and doesn't give him a hard time for suggesting it in the first place.]

...yeah. I mean, his intel has all checked out, and it's given us a big advantage and all, but I don't know if I get his angle.

[Or if he trusts him yet. But that shouldn't be shocking. Keith isn't the trusting type.]

Neither do I. I mean, it's weird going from the Galra empire being our sworn enemy to us being all chummy with their new emperor. Plus, he loves strutting around the place with his stupid supermodel hair and ooh look at me I can totally make Allura go ga ga over me, what an idiot. Seriously, though, I bet he's got something planned. He has to. I just can't figure out what yet.

[He grumbles and kicks a rock near his foot.]

Really weird. But... it's given us the break we need. The Blade was sort of at its breaking point, I think.

[They'd had a lot of hard missions, lost operatives. It's not a bad thing they have some time to catch their breath, even if Lotor may have some motivation that they haven't discovered just yet.

Though his lips to press into a line for a moment.]

...are you actually jealous? Of Allura and Lotor?

[So. Still pining for the princess. Well. That makes sense. Doesn't make the sudden twist in his chest any more pleasant to deal with though. Maybe talking was a bad idea. ...and since Keith has no pokerface at all, it's hard to hide that fact.]

I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous? Please, if anything, I'm just ticked that apparently all a person needs to get the princess' attention is to have purple skin, white hair, and a stick up your butt. Lot of time wasted there, let me tell you that.

[Sure, Lance still harbors a lingering crush on Allura, but it's nothing more than that. Even with his constant flirtations with her, he's honestly given up a long time ago. And with Keith in his heart now? It'd feel wrong to pursue anyone else at the moment, even if he knows there's no way Keith could feel the same.]

That sounds pretty jealous.

[Which in turn... makes Keith jealous? Oh. That's a terrible feeling. He doesn't like it. It's sharp and heavy and cold and he's got to stop it. It's stupid to be jealous when he has no real right to. Or reason to.

Even if he has these stupid feelings, there's no way that Lance sees him as anything other than a rival and a terrible hairstyle. He crosses his arms over his chest and shrugs.]

Okay, maybe a little jealous... She's way too good for him. But she's also way too good for me.

[That last part comes out a little quieter. He hasn't yet picked up on Keith's internal distress, though his natural empathy will probably notice it eventually.]

Honestly, I think that ship sailed before I even got to the dock.

[Keith is quiet, listening now, and there's a long moment where the quiet extends and it's entirely possible that he's just going to lapse back into silence entirely. But instead, he pipes up again, voice almost uncertain, like he's not sure he should be saying what he's saying.]

I don't think she's too good for you. I mean, I think you're...

[Ugh why does he bother talking? He should stop talking.] ...you're not the worst person in the galaxy.

[...compliment?]

[Dot.

Dot dot dot.

Lance turns his glance back to him, just staring.]

Wow, Keith. That's it. That's what I want on my grave. "Not the worst person in the galaxy".

Yeah, well. You've earned it.

[Keith offers back. The banter and the snarking back and forth is easier than actually trying to think about the current turmoil that's making it hard for him to concentrate.

Though he does add, voice quieter.] ...except you're not allowed to die. So.

[No graves.]

Tell that to the pockets of Galra still trying to kill me. Actually, please do, it'd save me a whooooooole lot of trouble. Waking up every day wondering "man, wonder if today's gonna be the day I get blown up" is getting really old.

[Because when could he ever get a break, really?]

That's not funny, Lance.

[Not even a little. But Keith gets it. Yeah. They all risk their lives every day without exception, have since the war started. And even if the battles have changed, the dangers are still there.]

...we're not getting blown up today at least.

[Keith will see to it. Somehow.]

No, it's not. But joking about it is the only way I can actually deal with it, so there.

[Another poor rock gets kicked.]

Being blown up doesn't seem like a possibility today, but it does feel like it's getting cold as hell. That's, like, a weird phrase, you know? 'Cause hell's supposed to be all burning hot. Why do we say "cold as hell" and "hot as hell" both? English speakers are weird.

...you're kind of babbling you know.

[Keith informs him, and normally that would be packaged together with a roll of his eyes and a snide glance. But today? There's the faintest beginnings of a smile, and the words sound almost fond.

He can't help it. He really has missed this idiot.]

...I think cold is worse anyway. [Says the boy who spent a bunch of time in the desert. So it is cold as hell, and he hates it.]

If by "babbling" you mean "pointing out a very astute observation", then yes, Keith. Yes, I am babbling.

[He eyerolls, though his voice sounds fonder now.]

So do I. I grew up right along the beach, so I really suck when it comes to cold weather.

Pretty sure I just meant babbling.

[Now a full smile smakes its way over his features. Okay. This feels comfortable somehow.]

A beach would be pretty great right now. Why do we never seem to get sent to tropical beach planets?

Because Allura hates us or something.

[He huffs. Okay, it's a joke, he knows well that she cares for them all, but she isn't exactly easy on them either.]

I'd do anything for a sweet beach getaway. The whole bunch of us just chillin' by the ocean, playing volleyball, having swim races, playing games, making sandcastles...

Allura hasn't hated me for a while.

[Also a joke. ...but a true one? There was that intensely rough patch when they first found out he was half Galra.

As Lance chatters on, something in Keith relaxes, his expression, his tone, even his posture.]

Sounds nice, actually. Really nice. ...I guess we don't exactly have time for vacation though. [A pause and he glances away.] I mean I've barely even seen you guys in forever. There's always another mission.

Mission this, mission that.. It sucks. You're right. We haven't seen each other in ages, and it sucks. I--we--miss you so much. We'd steal you back in a moment if we could.

[His foot goes back to abusing that poor rock.]

[Okay but even Keith notices that I that slips in there, and he looks back over at Lance now, almost startled by that. It's... wow it's way too nice to hear. It makes something in his chest feel like it's tightening.]

You do?

[He might be more surprised by that than he ought to be.

Though he does add.] I miss you too.

Wait...really? Really really? Me? I woulda thought that your favorite part about being in the Blades was not having to be near me.

[Lance is just as surprised, honestly. Despite their growing bond, he still has it in his head that Keith sees him as an annoyance.]

No... that's your favorite part about me being gone.

[Easy mistake. Keith's favorite part about being in the Blades is he can't fuck up and put everyone he cares about's life in danger because he shouldn't be leading. ...or you know, learning about who he is and who he can be and who he wants to be, and maybe getting to the point where he'll be strong enough to deserve to go back.]

But... yeah. Really. ...you.

Yeah, well, you're wrong about that. I missed you, why would I not want you around me?

[It feels so awkward to admit this, but he doesn't want Keith to have the wrong, opposite idea of what things are really like."